🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

At times I'm recorded while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, labels herself the “content queen”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, there's a constant urge the need to document everything all the time. When we eat out, her motto is, “The phone eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when other people see her posing or filming – I experience vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about city life, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes I'm captured while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I might be no makeup on, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inopportune moments. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has transformed into me being her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she dismissed it. I've been invited to several industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I invest assisting her create material.

I appreciate that she has supported me with my design career, but I don’t want our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don't believe she's insincere or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy being with her, but I also desire to experience it without being filmed, edited, or shared for an viewers. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on TikTok who pull off that aesthetic of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. I never intend to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her professional path too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see what the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I understand not all people enjoys being filmed, but often spontaneity is what makes content genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she asked, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don't demand anybody to be my personal videographer, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Innovation flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors lively and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish our friendship profoundly and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This isn’t about power, it’s about sharing my world while still considering hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for genuine friendship: it’s just part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – cherish them!
Liberty, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for help every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect Beth’s privacy.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and ensure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it seems.
Sarah, 53

Marielle appears to be not fully engaged nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and seeing if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their bond?